Funny Jokes and Quotes

10 Crazy Chuck Norris Jokes


Top crazy Chuck Norris Jokes


Chuck Norris once tried to join the military. However, there are rules against weapons of mass destruction.

I got expelled from school for saying I have Chuck Norris in my locker!

Chuck Norris knows where you live…….and he knows where you die.

Chuck Norris doesn’t laugh. He CHUCKles


Chuck Norries and Monday are in a fight. Who wins? Chuck Norries, of course, because Monday is a weekday.

Find more jokes about monday here.


Chuck Norris can inhale while he exhales.

If you survive your ass kicked by Chuck Norris, you dint survive, your just undead

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed

When Chuck Norris goes fishing he stands at the edge of the water and says ” Don`t make me go in there to get you”
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No man can perfectly predict the weather, not even Chuck Norris. But the weather DOES try to predict what kind of day Chuck would like to have…

Chuck Norris was given a shovel as a kid. We now have the Grand Canyon

Chuck Norris’ glare is so tough, you go blind from staring back

Chuck Noris doesn’t sleep with a gun under his pillow,he sleeps with his pillow under his gun.

What’s the difference between fear and Chuck Norris? Fear fears Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris can beat the game Simon with his eyes closed.

Chuck Norris can make an omelette without breaking any eggs.

Chuck Norris does’nt need air to survive , the air needs him

Chuck Norris doesn’t eat breakfast. the breakfast jumps in his mouth because nothing is safe outside of Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris has braille on his boots so even blind people will know whats coming

Chuck Norris’s calendar goes from march 31st to april 2nd. no one fools chuck norris

Chuck Norris cleans the wax out of his ears with a shotgun

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is


Chuck Norris can hear sign language

Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone


Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest

The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain

Chuck Norris can drown a fish


Chuck Norris is where babies come from

Chuck Norris once ate a rubik’s cube and pooped it out solved

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee beans with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris


Some funny divorce jokes


Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, by a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Chuck Norris CAN read Lady GaGa’s poker face

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own two hands

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

It is always dark when chuck norris is around as light is smart enough not to go directly to chuck norris


Chuck Norris can make apple juice with oranges.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn’t get wet.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you

There is no control key on Chuck Norris’s keyboard; Chuck Norris is always in control.

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