Funny Jokes and Quotes

6 dark humor jokes

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New Dress

Dara got a call from her old friend Richa after a few days of her marriage.

Richa asked her, “Dara, did you wear the dress that I presented to you when you got married? Did you like it? Was it the right size?”

Dara replied,  “To hell with your dress. He is not allowing me to wear my panties since the past one week……and you are talking about the dress!”



Since joining a nudist society, Jason has felt liberated.

He received a message from his mother one day, requesting him to give her his most recent photograph.

Jason cropped his photo and mailed only the top half of it to his mother since explaining why he lived in a nudist community would be too tough.

Then he got another email asking him to send a photo to his grandmother.

He emailed the bottom half of a cropped photo by mistake.

He was terrified that his grandmother would see his undies.

Then it dawned to him that his grandmother had bad eyesight and might not be able to figure out anything at all.

After 2 days, there was a mail from grandma. She wrote, “Nice picture, but your hairstyle needs a change. This one makes your nose look kind-of long!”


Checkout these plumber jokes!


Doctor dark jokes

Doctor: “I’m afraid I have some good news and  some bad news, Miss Hottwot.”

Miss Hottwot “Well, give me the good news first, Doc.”

Doctor: speaking rather somberly, said, “Your lab tests came back today, and your crabs are all gone.”

Miss Hottwot smiled, and said “Gee, that’s great! But what’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “We don’t know what killed them.”


Teacher and Tommy dark jokes

I got this one from my Uncle over the Christmas Holidays, I’ve no idea

where he got it from….

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be

confronted by his teacher:

Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren’t you at school yesterday?

Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.

Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasn’t too badly hurt I hope?

Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they don’t fuck around at those crematoriums.


Old farmer and His daughter

Back in the 1800’s a farmer and his daughter head into the market to sell that years crop so they can survive the winter. So they go to town and sell everything, they had plenty of money to make it all winter.

On the way back, the father notices a pack of bandits behind them. He breaks down because he knows that they are going to take all of the money, so the daughter say QUICK DAD GIVE ME THE MONEY! moments later the bandits leave and take everything. The father begins to cry and the daughter says its ok dad, i have the money still, he replies where did u hide it? she said in my vagina, he replies, well damn, if we had brought your mom we could have saved the horse and buggy too.


Here are some more insurance jokes, check them out


Wheelchair dark humor jokes

A man takes a vacation to Miami beach. He sits down in his chair, he hears this girl with no arms or legs crying. He goes up 2 her and asks her what’s wrong, she says “I’ve never been hugged before, so he picks her up gives her a hug and puts her back down and goes back 2 his chair. After 5 min. she starts crying again the man goes up to her and asks her What’s WRONG NOW? She says I’ve never been kissed before, he picks her up kisses her and puts her back down.
After 10 min. she was crying again he goes over and asks WHATS UR FUKIN PROBLEM NOW?
She says I’ve never been fucked before, so he picks her up throws her in the ocean and says “ there NOW UR FUCKED”

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