Funny Jokes and Quotes

16 Funny Teen Jokes

Jokes to keep your teens busy with

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Nice and clean teen jokes

 

Misdiagnosed

More and more doctors are running their practice like assembly lines.

One fellow walked into a doctor̓s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse̓s came out and asked him what be had. He said, “Shingles.” So she took down his height, weight, medical history and told him to wait in the waiting room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.” The doctor said, “Where?” He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do ya want ‘em?

Timmy and the thing
Timmy was very afraid of the lightning and the thunder. His mom and dad went into his room during a thunderstorm and said,
“Now, Timmy, don’t be afraid. God is right here in the room with you.”
He said, “Okay, Mommy and Daddy, I won’t be afraid.”
But then as the mommy and daddy went into their room and started to get ready for bed, the lightning clapped, and the thunder rolled, and Timmy screamed bloody murder. Timmy’s daddy and mommy went back into the room and said, “Honey, we thought we told you, you don’t need to be afraid. God is right here in the room with you.”
Timmy said, “Mommy and Daddy, I know God is right here in the room with me, but I need someone with skin on.”

The blond girl
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.”
The surprised salesman replies: “But, madam, computers do not have curtains”!!!….
And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows.”

Little IT guy

A five year old was discussing Noah’s Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, “How many animals went into the Ark?”  The youngster replied: “One mail and one e-mail.”

 

Dog spotter

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, “Look at that dog with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”

 

Funny riddles

What happened to the woman who covered herself with vanishing cream?

Nobody knows.

What do you call an elephant hitchhiker?

A two-and-a-half ton pickup.

What makes a road broad?

The letter B.

How do you top a car?

Tep on the brake, toopid!

How do you avoid being driven crazy?

Walk.

 

Knock jokes

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Sedonia.

Sedonia who?

Sedonia wanta go to lunch now?

 

Knock, knock,

Who’s there?

Thermos.

Thermos Who?

Thermos be a doorbell here some place.

 

Knock, knock,

Who’s there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce Who?

Lettuce in.  It’s cold out here.

 

Knock, knock,

Who’s there?

Dishes.

Dishes Who?

Dishes me. Who are You?

 

Knock, knock,

Who’s there?

Cereal.

Cereal Who?

Cereal pleasure to meet you.

 

Funny short teen jokes

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

Show me a piano falling down a  mine shaft and I’ll show you A- flat minor.

To write with a broken  pencil is pointless.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it  is two-tired.

Those who get too big for their britches will be  exposed in the end.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four  seconds.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in  motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get  repossessed.

What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead  giveaway.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully  recovered.

 

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