Everybody hates going back to school, these back to school jokes help with the pain
Apples for the sister
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked.
“Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?” After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you`d be eating alone.”
A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!” the man said. “It`s okay, Dad,” the boy said, “The police car right behind us did the same thing.”
The teacher came up with a good problem. “Suppose,” she asked the second-graders, “there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence.
How many would be left?” “None,” answered little Norman. “None? Norman, you don`t know your arithmetic.” “Teacher, you don`t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn`t that wonderful?” Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn`t have discovered anything.”
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”
“Isn`t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl. “Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl. “No.” replied the boy. “I`m the principal`s daughter.” said the girl. “And do you know who I am?” asked the boy. “No,” she replied. “Thank goodness!” said the boy with a sign of relief.
“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. “Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer. “Well, actually I don`t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
The back to school jokes of all
Little Johnny wasn`t getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don`t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don`t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”