MOM'S BROWNIES RECIPE
Remove teddy bear from oven. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr., "No-no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have overseas phone call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Jr. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Let cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.
Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar, 1 oz. unsweetened chocolate, 1/4 cup margarine.
Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Jr. had slipped out of the house and was heading down the street clad only in a diaper. Put Jr. in playpen. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline. Remove burned brownies from oven.