WAITER, WAITRESS JOKES

Waiter, there's a flea in my soup!
I'll tell him to hop it.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Looks like the breast-stroke to me, sir.

Waiter, my plate's wet!
That's not wet, sir - that's the soup!

Waiter, send the chef here. I wish to complain about this disgusting meal.
I'm afraid you'll have to wait, sir. He's just popped out for his dinner.

Waiter, do you call this a three-course meal?
That's right, sir. Two chips and a pea.

Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
So why aren't you laughing?

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

Waiter, there's a bird in my soup.
That's all right, madame. It's bird's nest soup.

Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Yes sir, they're not very good swimmers.

Waitress, there's a fly in my soup!
Well, keep quiet about it or everyone will want one.

Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
I'm not surprised, sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago.

Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.

Waiter, your thumb's in my soup!
That's all right, madame, it's not hot.

Waiter, what's this in my soup?
I'm not sure, sir, I can't tell one bug from another.

Waitress, do you serve crabs?
Sit down, sir - we serve anyone.

Waiter, have you got asparagus?
We don't serve sparrers and my name is not Gus!

Waiter, why have you given me my dinner in a feedbag?
The head waiter says you eat like a horse.

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.

Waitress, this bun tastes of soap.
That's right, sir - it's a bathbun.

Waiter, there's a twig in my soup.
Yes, sir, we have branches everywhere!

Waiter, my knife is blunt and my steak is like leather
I should strop the knife on the steak then, sir.