EVEN MORE WAITER, WAITRESS JOKES
Waitress, how long have you been here?
Six months, sir.
Ah, then, it can't be you who took my order.
Waiter, I can't eat this!
Why not sir?
You haven't given me a knife and fork.
Waitress, this lobster's only got one claw.
I expect he's been in a fight, sir.
Well, bring me the winner!
Waiter, have you got frogs' legs?
Then hop into the kitchen and get me a steak!
Waitress, does the pianist play requests?
Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks till I've finished my meal.
Waiter, my bill please.
How did you find your luncheon, sir?
With a magnifying glass.
Waitress, bring me a fried egg with finger-marks in it, some luke-warm greasy chips and a portion of watery cabbage.
We don't do food like that, sir!
You did yesterday.
Waiter, what do you call this?
Cottage pie, sir.
Well, I've just bitten on a piece of the door.
Waitress, what do you call this?
That's been soup, sir.
I don't care what it's been, what is it now?
Waiter, I'll have the pie, please.
Anything with it, sir?
If it's anything like last time I'd better have a hammer and chisel.
Waitress, I'll have my bill now.
How did you find your steak, sir?
Oh, I just moved the potato and there it was.
Waiter, Waiter, is this a hair in my soup?
Why, of course sir. That's rabbit stew!
Waitress, waiter! Bring me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy!
Waiter, bring me a glass of milk and a Dover sole.
Yes, to the brim.
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."