YOU KNOW YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN...

* Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
* You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
* You prefer to grind coffee beans in your mouth.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* You lick your coffeepot clean.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
* You don't sweat, you percolate.
* You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
* Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.
* You're so wired you pick up FM radio.
* Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
* You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.