CHOCOLATE HUMOR

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants which places them in the vegetable category, too. Thus we can only conclude that chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you like.

If you have melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced meal? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories from one convenient source. Now, isn't that handy?

If not for chocolate there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

Remember: "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

In the cookie of life...friends are the chocolate chips.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
Solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, it may be a sign of a deeper problem.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Q.: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A.: Because no one wants to quit!